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I’ve been sick for a week and a half. Sorry there have been no updates. I’m finally starting to feel better, so I can get back on that dating horse.
Yeah, but I *AM* looking because I’m tired of waiting for love to find me. Active participation in my happily ever after is necessary, not passive.
Sitting and waiting for the right one is one of the reasons my mother is single at 59 years old. And hasn’t had a really serious relationship since my father. I refuse to let that happen to me.
Few things anger me more than cancelled plans at the last minute. I was supposed to have a date last Friday, but Thursday night, I hear from him and he says he’s not coming. No “Sorry, I can’t make it.” No “Maybe we can go out some other time.”
“Hey, I think I’m actually just gonna stay home tomorrow.”
Thankfully, I was out, so by the time I was able to really react, my temper flare had burned down to an ember. But don’t think I’m not upset. This was going to be a first date. Obviously, it’s not going to happen. He pursued me, not the other way around, so to do that was at best a little rude.
I ended up going out with friends to do Friday night karaoke, which I don’t get to do often anymore, and I’m so grateful for that.
I ended up getting sick sometime over the weekend, so now I’m basically stuck at home. Not fun.
Honestly, I haven’t really dated since… 1999? I met my now ex-husband in high school, in October of 1997. We never really dated, we just kinda decided we were a couple and then a few months later (February 14th 2000) we went to the court house and got married. And didn’t tell anyone. We were absolute idiots.
But before he and I were a we, I dated a few boys, but nothing really long-term. The only guy I really ever “dated” was a boy I met when I was 15, who told me he was 17. He was over 21, but didn’t look it, and was here on an expired student visa. It was a mess.
So, honestly, I have no idea what I’m doing. That’s a big part of the reason I’d prefer to have someone else make the moves. Ask me out. Don’t just say we should hang out, make a plan. Make it romantic. Show me that you’re making effort.
I’m tired of casual. I want something real.
I hate OKCupid.
Of course, you get what you pay for, and since it’s a free website, your expectations can’t be that high. I’ve been stood up twice recently, and had a date up and cancelled on me for no apparent reason. And let’s be honest, the guys on there aren’t exactly stellar.
I’m not looking to “hook up” with anyone, so that knocks about 60% of the men out of contention by default. I’m not into being with couples, so there goes about another 10%.
That leaves about 30%. Not a great number. And from that, I have to figure out which guy who can’t figure out how to fill out his profile, or is a torso, or is clearly lying is my future mate? Feh, I say.
Perhaps next year I’ll try out one of the pay sites.
If life were fair, none of this would be a necessity. Alas, it is. For me. I don’t want to be alone anymore.
And I’m so, so sick of making the first move. I don’t like making the first move. So often men act like that’s a sign of desperation, when really, it’s just a sign of being willing to be proactive. But…
Whatever. It’s hard not to get jaded.
I hate that there are people out there who think that they can use me.
I mean, I really, truly hate it.
There are a few people in my life who have made it clear that they don’t really care whether or not I’m actually interested in them, they’re willing to try to get me drunk enough to be able to, I don’t know, fool around with me without my actual consent? It’s not going to happen. Especially not with MARRIED men. No thank you. I will not be your side piece. I will not help you betray your partner. No. Absolutely not.
And to think I would want to do that, it hurts. And it makes me so angry that someone could think so little of me.
I have too much self-respect for that. And too much respect for relationships. That disgusts me. Truly. I don’t trust people who behave that way. I don’t like people who behave that way, and I certainly do not respect it.
Unfortunately this doesn’t just happen on dating websites, but when out at karaoke, it’s happened. And while I don’t show it while I’m out, I’ve been known to go home and cry about it. Judge that all you want, but it’s just so disrespectful. To me and to their partner. And even if they have an open relationship (though I often doubt when a man tells me that, for good reason, too.) I don’t want to be a part of that. I’m a monogamous person. I believe in commitment. I am exclusively interested in being a relationship with someone who feels the same way, and only wants to be with me.
Just talking about this turns my stomach.
Last night, as I do every Thursday, I went to karaoke down the street. I only intended to have 2 beers, which is more than I usually have. But oh no.
I was given a very tasty mixed drink, and didn’t realize until it was half-gone that it had tequila in it. I don’t usually drink tequila. It gets me silly, but it completely destroys my inhibitions, filters, and casts askew my moral compass. And it gets me to be a little too honest.
Which is why, I was actually openly flirting. I don’t do that. And I admitted to a crush I’ve been trying to hide since October. I stand by my words, even if I regret them coming out, because they were the truth. No need to lie, no need to try to erase all traces of the Tequila monster.
Oh boy, is tonight gonna be an interesting night. Karaoke at a different location. Same wonderful guys running it.
No more Tequila. I’ll stick to beer. I can’t get drunk off of light beer.
I don’t get today’s dating.
There’s no wooing. It’s “come over and chill” and “Let’s hang out.”
If that works for you, hey, I’m genuinely happy for ya. As for me, no thank you.
I desire romance. I want to be wooed. I want to be courted. I want sweetness, and butterflies, wine and roses. Actual dates, not just “hanging out.”
I like the way dating used to work, where a man actually picks a woman up, takes her out, gives her a nice, romantic time, brings her home and doesn’t just expect to jump into bed. I know, it’s idyllic. It’s not entirely reality-based, but it sounds so amazing.
I don’t want Netflix and Chill. I’f I’m watching Netflix, I’m probably sitting at home in my jammies with my cat.
A girl can dream.
Hi. I’m Morgan. And this is my journey into the dating world as an adult. At the moment of publication, I’m 35, and divorced.
I was married at 18, and divorced at 29. It took me a long time to really be ready to date again after such a long relationship, and I find it very confusing. Most women don’t find themselves new to dating at 35, but here I am.
This will be a place where I’ll put my thoughts, my rants, my raves, and, when I finally start dating again, some not-so sordid details.
I’m really old fashioned when it comes to romance and dating, and the current dating culture makes me feel like Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer. It all confuses and scares me.
Thanks for coming along on my journey.